Monday, July 20, 2015

Divorce and Re-Marriage

For anyone who has been involved in a divorce process knows how hard it can be. The pain and hurt from a divorce do not just disappear. With a divorce and a re-marriage, emotions are fragile and it is important that parents and children communicate with each other in a healthy way. At this time there are many feelings of hurt and betrayal and family members should be sensitive to one another.

6 Stages of Divorce: 

  • Legal: Court officially brings the marriage to an end, relief from legal responsibilities. 
  • Economic: Settlement of property. 
  • Community: Leaves one community of friends and relations and enters another. 
  • Co-parental: Decisions on who will have custody, visitation rights, and continuing parental responsibilities. 
  • Emotional: Loss of trust, respect, and affection for each other. 
  • Psychic: Acceptance of the disruption of the relationship and regain a sense of being an individual again. 
According to Waite and Gallagher, the majority of couples who are unhappy can work through their problems and have a happy union within five years (Marriage and Family the Quest of Intimacy). 

Usual a divorce does more harm than good for the couple and children. When a couple gets a divorce the children are torn to choose who they will live with.  

Remarriage can be difficult especially when children are involved. Most couples choose to remarry because they want to be in an intimate relationship. When a couple remarries with children it makes the new situation difficult because children can feel a sense of betrayal and on the other hand, the new couple will find it difficult to find time to be with each other because they are taking care of children, thus leaving little room for a "honeymoon" phase. 

Within a re-marriage it is important to remember that it will take a minimal of 2 years to get to normalcy within the family. That includes getting used to each other and figuring out a routine that fits best with everyone. 

The birth parent of the children should have all the heavy discipline and the step-parent should act more like a great aunt or uncle. This is done to help build trust between the step-parent and child. 

The newly wed couple should have a conference with each other daily to make sure that things are still okay, and if need be resolve conflict. Misunderstanding one another can lead to hurt feelings and cause more problems between a family. 

Marriage is hard, but divorce is even harder with lasting damage done to a family. Sometimes, a divorce can be a good thing. However, couples should fight hard to stay together. 

It takes extra work to keep a blended/step family in harmony. Feelings are sensitive but ultimately everyone wants things to work out. 

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